Self Denial

Gosh!!

My post disappeared when I post!! And I had to retype everything again! D-A-M-N!

This thought or realisation (yes! another one!) was in my head since yesterday...

It all started from an email I wrote informing everyone... hey.. not to worry... we can meet the timeline...
Then I got a call from my Production Manager... and she sorta 'reprimanded' me... Terri.. You know very well that we cannot meet the timeline... Why did you go tell everyone that we can ? And she went on and on and on about why we can't meet the timeline...
I paused for a while and then I told her... hey.. you know what ? You are right... I do know very well that we cannot meet the timeline because of the reasons you told me just now... Then I told her.. I guess I am in self denial...and it's just that I wanted so badly to able to get it done and meet the timeline that I ignored the facts and just went ahead informing everyone blindly.

Hence, after the phone call with my Production Manager, I had to bite the bullet... and write to inform everyone again that we won't be able to meet the timeline... Yeah.. quite embarassing huh... Made a complete fool out of myself in front of everyone... Sigh...

And this event last night sparked my thoughts about certain aspects / issues of my life which I've been dealing with for the past years and still dealing.. and I came to a realisation that... I too... have been in SELF DENIAL in that aspect...

I have been too ignorant to notice all the hints and signs that keeping popping out at me going Red Alert! Red Alert!. I chose to ignore them hoping very hard that it'll go away and things will be what I wanted it to be...

I have been in self denial and kept thinking that.. as long as I keep telling myself that this will work if I just keep telling myself that... and ignore all the small voices that creep in once in a while.. here and there...

After more series of events... I had to force myself to wake up and smell the roses.. and slap myself more than twice.. and say.. hey!! Wake up!! Just because you want it to work the way you want to.. it doesn't mean it will!! Face the bloody truth!! No matter how hard you keep hoping and praying.. and ignoring the harsh realities.. it'll STILL be there... As must as you don't want to... You got to stop kidding yourself and face that... what you want will never happen!

So.. what I am to do ? I have to wake up.. and stop kidding or lying to myself... that this will work as long as I want it to...
As much as I don't want to... I have to face harsh reality and stop living in lalaland..

It's a rude awakening alright... but what choice do I have ?