Random Thoughts

The whole of past week just went like a whiz to me.... Its not really a matter of it being good or bad.. but of course.. I would want to take it as good coz somehow... lessons are learned... may be a small petty thing.. but still....

Came to realise a lot of things... esp things that are right in front of you... but you just can't see them... until someone points it out to you and then you go.... eh ?? Ya hor... How come didn't see it one...

And I also came to terms with my own feelings... not sure about you... but for me... sometimes.. I do realise that the mind and heart don't really go along.... If only they do right.. then everything will be so much less complicated.

So... shall we follow our mind or our heart ? Or can we tune our mind to follow our heart ? My good friend Gerry said many times.. all our thoughts are all controlled by ourselves... if we are mindful enough about it... then we will know that everything exist because of our thoughts... Correct ka Gerry ;) So, without our own thoughts... nothing will exist right ?

Anyway, as the title of my post said... these are just all my random thoughts... here's more...

I have such a deep longing to have a 'normal' family.... I used to think... how come everyone else can have a normal family... happy happy... and why can't I ? It's not so much of comparision... there's nothing to compare really... it's more of... why is my life like this ? What did I do ? Yes... I do agree that it's my journey which I have to go thru... to learn... to be mindful...
Before this post... I used to surrender to it.. as in.. Maybe I'm not meant to have a normal family life... maybe God purposely pick me to be the 'special' one... Hahah... self comforting eh ? I mean.. if God intended me to have a normal family life... why are all these happening to me... ? So.. it must be that I'm not meant for this....

Then I think again.... why not ??? I want it!! Therefore, I am going to have it! I will learn my lesson... learn it well... and have what I want... what truly makes me happy and complete... I need to break this chain... or else... it will go on and on....

Another thought...

Just a question to all... esp girls... How many of you out there... when you decided to get married... you also have divorce at the back of your head...

Can I say none ? Can I say... every of you out there... would think and want it to be forever right ?

That brought me to another thought..

When we say our vow... what does it mean by 'stay thru thick and thin'? or 'for better or for worst' ?
Is there a guidebook that lay out the points that falls under the boundaries of the these 2 sentences... and what not ?
And if what not... that means.. we can go our separate ways ?
If anyone has this book... can you PLEASE lend it to me ?

Back to above.. I bet no girls out there would think of such thought on the day when they get married... And I'm no different...

Somehow... as I was driving back from work last night... while I am still digesting the session that I had with May Lin last week... a light bulb lighted on top of my head.. *tink!!* does it remind you of some cartoon thing when I say that ? hahahahah!
Anyway.. it did... and I came to realise *dunno why... I kinda don't like that word* hehehehe...
That whatever that happened around us... came from us... no one to blame... nothing to blame is more like it...
We may say... but I didn't do it wor.... I didn't start it wor... But somehow... we did... haahahaha.. I dunno how to explain this... But I'm sure you know what I mean...
As for me... I take full responsibility for all that happened around me... and to prevent it from happening again... I will change myself....

Divorce will not solve anything... You are right... as divorce is just a legal term of separation.. it will not solve issues at a different level which was very obvious now... the cycle will continue to go on and on and on.... and worst of all... our next generation will carry this burden of ours wich is totally unfair to them... as how we are carrying our parents' burden now as their issues were not solved then and carries on...

That is WHY we need to tackle these issues... individually... and then together.... and get rid of it one and for all...

I also came to realise... *sigh.. how I don't like that word*... we have to do it for ourselves first and no one else... as everything occur because of ourselves... as what I said above... therefore... I'm doing this for me....

What about you ?