Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Honk or not honk ?
As I was approching the 2nd NPE toll that heads towards Sg Besi, there was quite a long queue for the toll. I was like the 12 or 13th car away from the toll... everyone was behaving quite well getting in the queue line... and suddenly 2 blardy cars coming from the back and head towards the toll counter straightaway and expected the other cars whose in the queue to give way to them!!
My blood was boiling then and I really had 1/2 the mind to honk them even though I was quite far away from them... But then, on 2nd thought I didn't.. my car was pretty far away from them and the car in front may think... What the f**k is she honking me for!!?? So better not.. and I didn't....
As it was almost my turn at the toll counter...ANOTHER idiotic car cut queue and went behind me... AGAIN.. I wanted to honk.. and I turned back to star c*ck at the driver... while I was waiting for my change and shook my head... and then I left the toll... I was still pissed off then...
As I was driving off, I kept wondering, what could happen if I just honk at these cars... then my imagination went wild to those action pack movies whereby the driver will come down.. and start banging on my window.. and start creating a scene... and then the road bully start dragging me out from my car.. threatening to hurt me... then the other drivers come running.. to help me.. and stand for justice and started yelling at the road bully for being wrong first as the other drivers were also quite pissed at these road bullies and it's just that they didn't dare to speak up.
Anyway, there wasn't any ending of my day dreaming as it was interrupted when I saw the jam in SMART tunnel :P
Anyway.. that's my morning...
SO the question is.. should I honk or not ?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Christian's BIG Day
Well, I didn't really have to drag him out of bed at 7.30am even though he's NOT an early person like his daddy... all I did was... turned off the air con... open the door... and walk in and out of the room and kept repeating this sentence... Christian, wake up!! Lets go to school!! Christian, wake up... lets go to school!! Do you want to go to school ?? Lets go to school... He was still half asleep but he was smilling and mumbled... lets go school... lets go school... so eventually... he got out of bed... got ready.. had his milk.. showered... while everyone around him was fussing about him going to school... Wah!! Christian going to school already ???? Wah... Christian big boy already.... hahaha!!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Hair Cut Day
Tada!! Christian's new hair cut...
Hmmmm.. he doesn't look quite happy huh... heheheh...
FYI - hair cut cost RM6 which made mummy and daddy very satisfied.. Great hair cut with great price!!
I guess it will be Indian barber for Christian from now on!!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Random Thoughts
Came to realise a lot of things... esp things that are right in front of you... but you just can't see them... until someone points it out to you and then you go.... eh ?? Ya hor... How come didn't see it one...
And I also came to terms with my own feelings... not sure about you... but for me... sometimes.. I do realise that the mind and heart don't really go along.... If only they do right.. then everything will be so much less complicated.
So... shall we follow our mind or our heart ? Or can we tune our mind to follow our heart ? My good friend Gerry said many times.. all our thoughts are all controlled by ourselves... if we are mindful enough about it... then we will know that everything exist because of our thoughts... Correct ka Gerry ;) So, without our own thoughts... nothing will exist right ?
Anyway, as the title of my post said... these are just all my random thoughts... here's more...
I have such a deep longing to have a 'normal' family.... I used to think... how come everyone else can have a normal family... happy happy... and why can't I ? It's not so much of comparision... there's nothing to compare really... it's more of... why is my life like this ? What did I do ? Yes... I do agree that it's my journey which I have to go thru... to learn... to be mindful...
Before this post... I used to surrender to it.. as in.. Maybe I'm not meant to have a normal family life... maybe God purposely pick me to be the 'special' one... Hahah... self comforting eh ? I mean.. if God intended me to have a normal family life... why are all these happening to me... ? So.. it must be that I'm not meant for this....
Then I think again.... why not ??? I want it!! Therefore, I am going to have it! I will learn my lesson... learn it well... and have what I want... what truly makes me happy and complete... I need to break this chain... or else... it will go on and on....
Another thought...
Just a question to all... esp girls... How many of you out there... when you decided to get married... you also have divorce at the back of your head...
Can I say none ? Can I say... every of you out there... would think and want it to be forever right ?
That brought me to another thought..
When we say our vow... what does it mean by 'stay thru thick and thin'? or 'for better or for worst' ?
Is there a guidebook that lay out the points that falls under the boundaries of the these 2 sentences... and what not ?
And if what not... that means.. we can go our separate ways ?
If anyone has this book... can you PLEASE lend it to me ?
Back to above.. I bet no girls out there would think of such thought on the day when they get married... And I'm no different...
Somehow... as I was driving back from work last night... while I am still digesting the session that I had with May Lin last week... a light bulb lighted on top of my head.. *tink!!* does it remind you of some cartoon thing when I say that ? hahahahah!
Anyway.. it did... and I came to realise *dunno why... I kinda don't like that word* hehehehe...
That whatever that happened around us... came from us... no one to blame... nothing to blame is more like it...
We may say... but I didn't do it wor.... I didn't start it wor... But somehow... we did... haahahaha.. I dunno how to explain this... But I'm sure you know what I mean...
As for me... I take full responsibility for all that happened around me... and to prevent it from happening again... I will change myself....
Divorce will not solve anything... You are right... as divorce is just a legal term of separation.. it will not solve issues at a different level which was very obvious now... the cycle will continue to go on and on and on.... and worst of all... our next generation will carry this burden of ours wich is totally unfair to them... as how we are carrying our parents' burden now as their issues were not solved then and carries on...
That is WHY we need to tackle these issues... individually... and then together.... and get rid of it one and for all...
I also came to realise... *sigh.. how I don't like that word*... we have to do it for ourselves first and no one else... as everything occur because of ourselves... as what I said above... therefore... I'm doing this for me....
What about you ?
Monday, April 6, 2009
Not totally grey and gloomy
Of coz it's not all grey and gloomy here.. there are lots of good times as well... which when think of it... it's so terribly sad that situations had led to now...
Great moments along the way...
- McDonald Breakfast that guy & girl both enjoyed eventhough girl had to drag guy out of bed coz breakfast ends at 11am!!
- Breakfast sessions at one of the DJ coffeeshop every morning when guy fetch girl to work...
- Guy will wait for hours to pick girl up after work despite of her saying... 5 more minutes!! and guy will not really complain.. even though he will grumble..
- When girl simply mention that she wants to eat 'Maggi Goreng' at wee hours in the morning.. Guy will just turn the kitchen upside down JUST to whip up the maggi goreng.. and end up 'kenaing' from girl for messing up the kitchen...
Guy, girl would like you to know that she really appreciates the effort.
- The moments when guy & girl pick up their new puppies... and of coz the 'dirty' work that came along with it.. where guy had to clean up...
- When 6 pups were borned in the hands of guy & girl even though guy fell asleep half way and girl ended up doing everything... except cutting the umblibical cords... coz she was too chicken to do that and made guy do it...
Bringing up and nursing the 5 little pups healthily till the pups went with their respective owners
- How girl took a day off to take guy to the eye specialist coz he was complaining in the morning that he couldn't open his eyes.. and freaked out...
- All the Waikikis and Backyard outings that both enjoyed and would go almost few times a week.
- How guy & girl overcame the issue of 'haunted' house...
- The house parties that both guy & girl enjoy so much with their friends and families where girl will mostly do all the cooking and guy will do all the cleaning up coz girl hates washing up.
- All the dog parties that they have with their 'doggy friends'
- The trips where girl will follow guy for his location recces... to places like Bagan Datoh.. and meet a 'weird' chinese young man where he gave us a tour of his homestown... and of coz.. to show that we appreciate what he did... we bought him teh tarik just before we left..
- Guy has always supported girl in whatever interest she has... started from knitting... to bentoing... to baking and cake decorating...
Guy has never fail to support girl in whatever way he can on that manner and girl deeply appreciates that..
- All the shopping sprees and splurges... Guy will always get the best things for girl.. of whatever she wants.. when he can afford... and they both enjoy mad shopping sprees... and when girl go mad buying stuff for her interest.. guy never once complain... but just shake his head in silent...
And for that.. girl truly knows how supporting guy is and appreciates that...
- All the gossip sessions guy and girl had with each other... they truly enjoyed that...
And when the little one came along.. they had a great time going on trips... Australia.. and Cameron Highlands..
- Last but not least... no matter what... whenever girl needs help... guy will always drop everything and come to her rescue... for imstant.. when girl was drenched in petrol at the petrol station while filing in petrol... guy came straight from where he was and took care of everything... even to the extend of scolding the petrol station staff...
I'm sure there's more... but these are all what I could think of right now...
Sometimes.. we are so wrapped up with all our own emotions and feelings.,.. we forget all the good things that happened to us.. which is really a waste..
Friday, April 3, 2009
Long long long story..
Only for those who in the mood for a story as this is a very very long one... pls read on...
There's this guy and this girl... they met.. the man pursued the woman... and finally after sometime, they became an item.... unfortunately....
The girl moved in with this guy eventually and they go on with their lives as a couple... after a while... the true colors of the guy & girl were revealed.. Guy... extremely possessive & jealous and the girl... more of a rebel... sometimes a little flirt... And of course, this guy cannot accept the girl's way and started lashing out... not once but twice!! And of course that also included lots of rough physical handling... Thats the first time this girl saw the true colors of this guy... she wanted to leave him... but he begged her to stay on..
Stupidly, she gave in and stayed... and as if it's not bad enough... they have decided to get married... How blind can this girl be right ? I mean... there were lots of warning signs of the guy's character.. but she was blinded by the notion of getting married... got carried away is more like it..
They registered... after almost a year, the girl got pregnant... she really want the baby... and when she was in her 11 weeks of pregnancy.. due to some misunderstanding and argument, the guy and the girl had a fight! And the guy told the girl that her baby is dead as he has been poisoning her in her water & food since a few days ago... of coz when the girl heard that, she was very scared and crying and all that... Not that, it's not enough... he slapped her... her glasses broke and flew across the room and tried to grab all her personal belongings such as car keys.. wallet... passport... hp.. so that she will not be able to escape... Fortunately she managed to contact her parents to come and 'save' her... and they came...
The girl went back to her parents place... they took good care of her till she gave birth to a healthy baby boy... and the parents advised the girl that.. now that there's a child... the guy will mend his ways and be a good father... the girl tot the same as well... So she accepted the guy back and very thankful for him to pay for her delivery bills which came up to RM7K..
Things went on pretty ok for a while... before the guy decided that, his job is more important that his family... or baby... and concentrated on his job instead.. not that it's anything wrong with that.... a guy got to do what a guy got to do right ? To make a living and put food on the table... Anyway, the new mom initially got a little upset about it coz she felt that the guy is not helping her out as a dad with their new borned baby boy... but then after a while... she stopped complaining and concluded that, the guy can do whatever he wants.
So she stop complaining. Pls bear in mind... the girl is still staying with her parents with the new borned baby... while the guy comes over every now and then, as and when he wishes..
Then CNY came.. and the guy said he can't make it for CNY.. for the going back hometown yearly routine... coz he had to shift office. Girl said ok... I mean.. what can she said right ?
Girl... baby boy and girl's family went back to hometown.. and came back... after a couple of days.. the nightmare begins..
Out of the sudden... the guy suddenly went berserk... and started accusing the girl of denying him to see his own son! Guy drank so much... made a lot of commotion in front of girl's house... in wee hours in the morning... woke up all the neighbours... and as if he possessed some mad strength.. he broke the front grill gate of the girl's house. And made a mess with his puke in front as well....
As if thats not enough... he went and crash the girl's car.. and used beer bottles to break her car lights....
Anyway to cut the long story short.. police reports were filed... lots of threats from guy to those who helped the girl and her family...
And similar incidents as such happened almost every once a month... from breaking of girl's windscreen... to pulling girl's hair in front of her dad and 2 policemen.. to being remanded in lock up for 4 days... to uncountable sms threats and phone calls... to girl and her family...
It was really bad in year 2007... after a lot of unfortunate series happened, girl has decided to file for a divorce... of coz guy refused to.. for whatever strange reason, we don't know... of coz the custody of the child was involved and all that...
And in the midst of all these, after seperated with guy for 2 yrs... girl got vunerable.. and met someone's husband.. and they had a short affair.. the girl was not proud of what happened... and she felt very bad and guilty and stop the whole thing... and has vowed not to ever repeat such thing again... and was thinking of making amends with guy... as guy was very persistent of not getting a divorce... so girl told guy of her thoughts and they have decided to work things out... and put all the mess behind them.. for the sake of their son.
By then, the Court has granted girl judicial separation (meaning, in the eyes of the law, guy & girl are seperated legally). Despite of getting that order, girl was still thinking of making things work with guy... It went well for a while.... However, after a while... guy found out about the affair of girl had long time ago... and went mad... girl was of course... felt very guilty and sorry and vowed to guy that it ended long time ago and it will never happened again... there were arguments , fights... along the way... but then... guy & girl talked it over again and decided to give each other a chance.
They tried to make things work... however, some how.. it's easier to forgive than to forget... in this case... it's difficult to forgive & forget... Guy keep punishing girl about the affair... esp when he's not in a good mood... lots of verbal diarrhea... nasty comments.... Girl put up with it for a while.. because she knew that it's her fault and she should take all that... Guy did also acknowledge that he too, wants to get over it... and will seek help... with or w/o girl... and promised not to bring the event up again.
However, situations were up and down... more of down... and girl finally realised that she & guy will never work out... no matter what... and despite promising guy way before, to be with him thru thick and thin... and stay as a family... get a house and move in together... She realised that, the issues they're facing will never ever go away...
Of coz girl was still a human being... and does tell white lies to guy because guy was extremely possessive of girl... he even went to the extend to go to the office of the other guy to confront him... and of coz let everyone know what that did and girl did... Guy check girl's phone bills.. want to check girl's personal emails... and traced girl's emails... and smses... always suspiciously thinking that girl is still cheating behind his back... despite of her promising him that she will never do that ever again to him...
Girl know guy hates people lying to him... and girl admitted of doing that sometimes... esp when she doesn't want guy to simply think and assumed... of coz it's wrong for girl to do that... but it was out of fear and phobias that girl did that.... Girl admitted that it was definitely wrong.. and their relationship has gone to really worst till guy & girl cannot trust each other anymore...
So, after giving some serious thoughts, girl has decided to proceed with a divorce despite of all the promises that she made to guy as it is very obvious that things will never work out... both had their wrongs & rights... there's no innocent party here... why not seek a closure and move on.. When guy found out of her intention... he was telling her all the reasons why they should not get a divorce and yada yada yada... and when he realised that that didn't work... he pursued on with lots of nasty threats such as ruining her life... her career... put her behind bars... take her son away and she will never see her son again... IF girl really proceed with the divorce... And guy reminded girl many times that, she PUSHED him to all these.... guy told girl... he gave her an easier option.. which is to keep her promises and be with him... and yet she prefers this helllish route instead... therefore, she's asking for all these upon herself...
Lastly, guy left girl with this note... I will make sure your life crumble...
What do you think girl should do... ?
Friday, March 6, 2009
Self Denial
My post disappeared when I post!! And I had to retype everything again! D-A-M-N!
This thought or realisation (yes! another one!) was in my head since yesterday...
It all started from an email I wrote informing everyone... hey.. not to worry... we can meet the timeline...
Then I got a call from my Production Manager... and she sorta 'reprimanded' me... Terri.. You know very well that we cannot meet the timeline... Why did you go tell everyone that we can ? And she went on and on and on about why we can't meet the timeline...
I paused for a while and then I told her... hey.. you know what ? You are right... I do know very well that we cannot meet the timeline because of the reasons you told me just now... Then I told her.. I guess I am in self denial...and it's just that I wanted so badly to able to get it done and meet the timeline that I ignored the facts and just went ahead informing everyone blindly.
Hence, after the phone call with my Production Manager, I had to bite the bullet... and write to inform everyone again that we won't be able to meet the timeline... Yeah.. quite embarassing huh... Made a complete fool out of myself in front of everyone... Sigh...
And this event last night sparked my thoughts about certain aspects / issues of my life which I've been dealing with for the past years and still dealing.. and I came to a realisation that... I too... have been in SELF DENIAL in that aspect...
I have been too ignorant to notice all the hints and signs that keeping popping out at me going Red Alert! Red Alert!. I chose to ignore them hoping very hard that it'll go away and things will be what I wanted it to be...
I have been in self denial and kept thinking that.. as long as I keep telling myself that this will work if I just keep telling myself that... and ignore all the small voices that creep in once in a while.. here and there...
After more series of events... I had to force myself to wake up and smell the roses.. and slap myself more than twice.. and say.. hey!! Wake up!! Just because you want it to work the way you want to.. it doesn't mean it will!! Face the bloody truth!! No matter how hard you keep hoping and praying.. and ignoring the harsh realities.. it'll STILL be there... As must as you don't want to... You got to stop kidding yourself and face that... what you want will never happen!
So.. what I am to do ? I have to wake up.. and stop kidding or lying to myself... that this will work as long as I want it to...
As much as I don't want to... I have to face harsh reality and stop living in lalaland..
It's a rude awakening alright... but what choice do I have ?
Friday, February 27, 2009
I created HISTORY today!!!!
Yeah.. to those who are not working out there... you can all stop laughing ok... :p You know who you are...
While on the road to work.. I noticed that there were so many cars on the road and traffic was already quite heavy.. at 6.45 in the morning!! Then I thought to myself... wah!! So early already got so many cars.. and these people really have to wake up so early everyday to go to work... kesian nya.... If it's me.. sure die one... heheheheh!!
I finally reached office at 7.30am and started pounding on my computer at 7.45am after making myself a steaming cup of coffee... There's not a single soul in the office yet.. but then all the lights were on.. and about 10 mins later.. I saw the T kakak walking in...
I must admit I like the peace and quite where there's no phone ringing.. people interrupting you every 2 mins.. and I was able to get quite a bit done.. hence now able to blog about it.. hehe!
I told my friend Alan on MSN about this.. and he said thats the REAL meaning of stress coz sleep also can think of work and can't sleep because of work also... hahahah!! What do you think ?
The rest of my colleagues that came in one by one were suprised to see me so early in the office and said... Eh! Terri Chai.. what you doing here so early ?? Coz I usually stroll into the office after 10 almost everyday... hehehehe...
So in a way.. I created 'history' la today after 3 yrs working in Grey... kakakakkakaka!!
Hopefully can tahan till at least 5 today before I yawn my head off la.. heheeh!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
A**holes & Hypocrites
What kept me pondering was....
I know this person.. whom I've not met for a while.. the last time I met up with this person was during CNY... initially I was quite sceptical of meeting this person for certain reasons that I don't really want to bring up as it was a real long story.. and in addition to that, I didn't really know what happened throughtout the story or the end of it...
Anyway.. lets name this person 'Z' ok...
Anyway, I met up with Z during CNY.. in that person's house... and we hang out for a while.. talk ... joked.. chit chatted just like how you would chit chat with your everyday friends... went out for dinner together and went back to Z's house after that and played a little blackjack and managed to win a little money.... and we said our bye byes and see yous after that as it was really late when we left Z's house... and then.. I was thinking to myself... Hmmm... it wasn't so bad afterall isn't it... And this reunion has indeed to be quite fruitful..
Little did I know after a while... that Z actually didn't like me going to his/her place.. didn't actually want to hang out with us.. didn't actually want to see us at all... didn't even want to talk to us in the first place...
I was quite shocked when I heard that... Hmmm... Wow... Z is damn good... first class actor... The Oscar Award for Best Actor should go to Z instead of Sean Penn... All these time.. Z has been doing really well in front of us... but the actual truth was totally a different story la...
Hence, I started to ponder... Why arr ? Why until like that arr ? Pretend pretend all... Sheeesh!!.. Don't like means don't like la... Just say so la... at least I respect you for that... But now I think you are such a hypocrite a**hole..
Anyway.. at least the truth is revealed... and line has been drawn... thats good... at least now.. I dont' feel so foolish... heheheheeh...
And now.. let me bring you to another person... let's call this person... 'C' ok..
I've also found out that C hates my guts... Wow... I guess a lot of people don't like me... I must have a problem... But then too bad la... I can't please everyone at all time right??
Anyway back to C.. I found out that C hated my guts because of some issues I had with ANOTHER person which totally doesn't concern C .. in other words.. it was really none of C's business as it didn't involve C at all.. ... perhaps you will go like... Duh!! What does it got to do with C then ? or maybe not....
Exactly!!.. I question myself that as well... What does it got to do with C in the first place ? Why wanna jaga tepi kain orang lain ?? *Eh! Not bad arr my BM..
Anyway.. thats C.. if C wants to get involved.. thats C's problem.. not mind.. perhaps C has nothing else better to do and all the time for that...
But then.. u know what ? At least C 'showed' me that C hates my guts .. even thought C didnt say it... but C showed it and made it a point that I know it... And I admire C for it... Although I really don't know how I offended C...
Yup! C deserves that very bit of respect from me... At least C has the guts to let me know...
Another line drawn...
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Birthday Bliss
First started with a dinner with my work mates the night before.. they have been very gracious and nice enough to fight thru the road madness in Subang during rush hours and make their way to Devil's Crab to buy me a scrumptious crab dinner.. we had 2 kinds of crab by the way and we finished them all!!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Fabulous Sunday
All of the sudden, my house was filled with tons of people.. ranged from 1 yr old to 85 yrs old!!
All started from a swim session yesterday... initially it was intended for the kids.. but end up the adults took over thw swimming pool and only 1 kid.. Christian joined in the fun..
After the swimming session... all were hungry and my sis's boyfriend.. ever thougtful offered to get KFC for us.. and we all dig in together with home cooked fried noodles...
While the makan session was happening.. there's a mahjong session where 3 aunties were busy 'poonging' at the mahjong table..
Kids were running everywhere.. playing.. some playing in their own lil world and some.. conspiracy with each other and had their own mischief... and were extremely excited when they knew they're going to get ice cream later... singing a birthday song and blowing the candle after that... they were jumping up and down clapping their tiny hands.. grinning from ear to ear...
One by one came and ask me... yee yee... when can I have the ice cream ?? I told them... wait... Uncle Ramesh is coming back with the ice cream soon.. wait for a while ok... and they nodded their little head.. trying to understand what is 'be patient'... kekeke...
Anyway.. it was all good... and everyone had a good time.. chit chatting...catching up chasing the kids around.. talking about cameras.. playing mahjong.. playing gin rummy...
Anker Dom....
Errrrr.. Peace ????
Mabel Jie Jie.... Blow....
Am I cute ??
Blurrrrrrrrrrrr.......
Mummy... Can I have the glowing thing ??
Inki bow aka Tinkerbell... the ever fierce guard dog... hehehe
Daddy & Son... being perason pot... taking their own pics..
Party time... Mate!! Blow the horn!!
Aiyo...... cannot game arrrrr!!!
Mom.. starring into space....
Aiks!! My chin is itchy.. hope no one saw me scratching it... hehehe!
My 85 years old grandma....
I want cake!! I want cake!!
Yayyyyy!!! Clap clap clap!!!
Pictures do speak a thousand words isn't it ? :)
These nice pictures are courtesy of my other half, Ramesh.. and also Lee & An's testing of Mesh's camera..
Friday, February 13, 2009
Good Day
- No wee hours phone calls
- No fights
- No arguments
- Boss not around
- Jam wasn't so bad on the road
- The 2 cakes I baked last night turned out the way I wanted.. (Yummy Chocolate)
- I finally managed to complete my flower work that I've been procrastinating since 3 weeks ago..
- Ramesh gave me a very good idea on what to do with Alex's birthday cake
- Ee Lynn owe me RM33 bucks.. hehe!
- I managed to get the info that Wai Kheng wanted
- The Toll man didn't give me 5 cents as change and he even gave me new RM1 notes too!
- Managed to get some decent sleep last night
- Lost 1.5 kg since I last weight myself... Yahoooo!!!
So.... overally it has been a pretty good day for me la...
How about you?
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Sometime we wonder why people don't like us
Voila!!
http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2009/2/12/lifefocus/3013906&sec=lifefocus
And I think this is so damn related to my post yesterday..
Here's the 'Cut & Paste' incase you are not bothered to click on the link above.
It is all about the vibes people send out. The universe does not figure things out; it just responds to vibrations. If you keep sending out negative vibrations, you will attract negative things into your life. People often wonder why bad things always happen to them or why they keep going out with people who are horrible, without realising that it’s because of their vibes.
So now we can all stop wondering why people don't like us... hahahahahah!!!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
You deserve what you think
Gerry, maybe you can help me out here... betul tak?
Is that the reason why sometimes, when we dread certain things to happen... and we think of it so much.. praying that it won't happen... but in the end it does happen...
For example... Alice* spend the whole night being very nervous.. can't sleep and can't eat because tomorrow she got to deliver a speech right in front of 10oo people in her school.. and she spend the whole night worried that things will screw up... such as.. what if I forgot my lines? what if I croaked and people laugh at me? .... What if I tripped on the microphone cables and fell flat on the floor... what ifs.. what ifs... and what ifsss.... all the what ifs in the world....
So guess what to Alice? She went to her school the next morning... very early indeed as she couldn't sleep the whole night... so she thought... I may as well go to school early as I don't want to be late... So off she went and when she walked out to the stage right about to start her speech...she was too blur due to not sleeping the night before and it's taking a toll on her.. she actually tripped on the microphone cables.. and fell flat on her face.. confirming one of her worst fear... Alice got up... trying her best to regain her composure and also ignore all the giggles and snickers from the audience and started her speech...
Alice's voice was trembling but she went on.... trying hard to make sure she remembers her lines... however after the 3rd line.. she paused... and starred the spotlight thats right on her... suddenly.. it dawned to her... she's BLANK!!! Alice ACTUALLY forgot her lines!!! What else could be worst than these??? Simply to conclude.. she ran all the way back home and hid under her blanket and refuse to see anyone for the longest time... The end..
Of coz Alice is a fictional person here... But I bet each on of us here had that kind of feeling before and understand how Alice felt.
Why does it happened that way? Is it because we've as human has always been programed to think of the worst... but secretly hope that it won't happen? And due to the laws of attraction.. whatever we think of... esp the worst.. happens!!
When we think of something bad / negative will happen even though we don't want to... does that mean we secretly or subconsciously hope that it'll happen? Of coz not right???
But then when we had those negative thoughts... such as... Aaah.. I will sure fail the test... or I for sure won't get the job... why would they pick me... Or sure lose if I gamble.. or I'm never gonna get picked in a lucky draw...Or for sure he/she won't like me.. coz I''m fat.. I'm poor..I'm too thin...I'm ugly... yada yada yada.. you get what I mean...
Does that mean.. we really want to fail the test? Or not able to get the job? Or lose our money in gambling... or get rejected by the other boy / girl??? NO at all right? Then why does this happen?
Are we supposed to be happy as what we thought of came true? coz you been thinking that way right? So you must be happy that what you thought came true.... Or shall we be sad if it came true?
Which position would you choose to be in?
Therefore... shall we keep a conscious mind and always remind ourselves that we should be selective on what's constantly in our thoughts as it may just come true???
Simply put it... if we want good things to happen to us... shall we only have good thoughts in our mind? Unless you want bad things to happen.. or your worst fear to happen as you keep thinking about it... then so be it..
Therefore, what ever thats constantly in your thoughts... you truly deserve it... or else.. you wouldn't let it stay there isn't it???
Your choice..
A Moment at the Pool
SELF REALIZATION
Doesn't seems like I've accomplished much isit it ?
Have I travelled enough ?
Have I realised the dreams that I had when I was young and naive ? Like go travelling around the world... climb the highest mountain... swim the deepest ocean... and so on...
Hah!! Of course the above is a bit exagerated but there's still some truth in it...
Maybe not the above, but since the day I realised that I do have my own thoughts, wants and needs.. I had dreams that I want to fulfill and they are things that I want to do achieve before I go six feet underground.
But the sad part is.. Just like any other human beings, we give ourselves excuses all the time in order to make ourselves feel better...
How do I do that ?
This is how...
1) First I convince myself that I want to get married.
2) After I do that, I tell myself that I want to have a kid.
3) After I have a son, then I tell myself, I waiting for my son to grow a bit first.
4) So now that my son has grown a bit... so what now ????
Wait for him to go to school ? Then wait for him to grow up ? Wait for him to finish school ? Then wait for him to find a job ? Then wait for him to find girlfriend ? Then wait for him to get married ? Then wait for him to have kids ? Then what ???
I seriously think, if I keep on waiting like that, I will literally.. DIE waiting...
Therefore, I HEREBY declare, on the 11 of Feb, 2009 this day, I FINALLY have a serious NEW YEAR resolution (this doesn't mean the rest I made earlier wasn't serious ok!!??) It's just that this is a super duper serious one ok... VERY SIMPLE thing... not say want world peace and all that crap... but something which is very simple.. not complicated at all.. but yet... very impactful to my own life journey....
My FINALLY new year resolution is... cheng! cheng! cheng!!!!...
I SHALL FOLLOW MY HEART AND DO WHAT IT FEELS REGARDLESS TO WHO, WHAT & WHATSOEVER.
To put it in laymen's term:-
I will do what I want, when I want and what ever I want as long as I don't:-
1) Lie
2) Cheat
3) Hide anything
4) Hurt anyone (emotionally / mentally & physically) in anyway or any form.
If I do it, it's because I want to and not because I have to ~ Unless someone points a gun to my head la... or harm anyone that I love la.. hehe!
No more obligations... for whatsoever reason... No more priority... as the only priority should be ME, MYSELF & I... and of coz my son, Christian (in fine print).. heheheheeh!
I realised LIFE is too short for me to compromise anymore.
Why should I compromise ? Does it make me happy ? IF it doesn'y, why should I ? Happy also must live my life.. sad also must live my life... May as well be happy right ??
I have decided I won't compromise anymore... Because I don't want to end up regreting for anything that I should have or shouldn't have... and worst still..blame others for it.
Of course I don't expect to climb the highest mountain tomorrow la...
But I will just start by treating myself better... by loving myself more.. doing things that I want to do... and not because I have to... and don't if I don't want to... Me NO doormat wor therefore I won't let you step all over me!!!!
As simple as that...
I guess in a way.. you do become slightly wiser (or maybe not wiser but self realization) when you get older (duh!! I'm not gonna reveal my age!!)
Hopefully by starting this, right before my journey comes to an end, I can smile to myself and think (if I'm not senile yet then), I've got no regrets in this life, and I've lived my best.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I'm bored
Hmmm... why.. why .. why... I should be enjoying my holidays and my boredom... thats what my sis and Gerry said... but I'm not! I think it's a waste of time.. doing nothing... and I can feel myself getting lazier... sigh!....
When I work day in day out... I long for a break... a holiday where I can do nothing... but now when I'm on a break... I feel like going back to work or do something...How to be 'siu lai lai' like that?
Is that human nature or it's just me? Never satisfied... when you finally get what you want... you long for for something else...
But then.. at the same time... I don't want my break to end as well.. because that will mean I will have to get back to work and face the hussle and bussle again... Hah!! Am I contradicting myself or what here!! Hehehehe....
Yeah... I know what you are thinking... this woman is complaining of having nothing to do.... and yet she's always busy all the time.... Mad woman....
Yeah.. I'm complaining.. so?
Hmmmm... maybe I'll go bake a Walnut Brownies later... :)
Sunday, January 25, 2009
What a perasan day..
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Where did all my money go ??
Before I go into that, have you guys ever question yourself.. whenever you pay goes into your bank (ting! ting! Only applicable to those who's working and earning a monthly income ok.. heheh!! So Gerry.. not really applicable to you but still can consider.. coz your employer is your Hubby..).. and BEFORE you know it.. it has diminished faster than a blink of eye! And before mind of the month.. you go like Eh! Where did all my money go ???
Well, I don't know about you.. but I question myself that at least 10 times a month.. :p Those who are with me, please say... Aaaaiiii.... heheeheh!
Sigh! Pretty sad isn't it ? At least for me it is.. coz I worked so hard.. and at the end of the day.. where did all my money go ??? That's like the biggest unsolved mystery that I think Agt Scully & Mulder can't even solve that!
So!!!! What a long intro huh... Anyway.. My New Year resolution is... cheng cheng cheng!!!.. Errr.. To spend less money ?? Hahahahah!!
Yeah..
And I will start by:-
- Stop going to the malls.. Sob! Sob! So I can buy lesser clothes.. and pysch myself that it's FINE to wear clothes thats more than 3 months old
- Tell myself that I don't need to get different pairs of shoes to match every single piece of my clothes
- Keep my hair long from now on.. so I don't have to visit the salon so often
- Do my own facial..
- Have my meals in coffee shops more eventhough it's hot & stuffy & oily in there... uuuuggghh!! :p rather than nice air conditioned restaurants..
- Cut down on having coffees at Dome / CB / SB or anywhere else that cost 10 bucks per cup of coffee.. and make my own 3 in 1 Nescafe
I think the above is already an enough torture for me... Sigh... No more new clothes.. thats unimaginable!!
Hopefully in Jan 2010, I can blog about me having money.. haha!