SELF REALIZATION

The day is just around the corner and I'm already thinking.. what have I accomplished so far ? Yes.. I got married... I had a kid.. then what else is next ?
Doesn't seems like I've accomplished much isit it ?
Have I travelled enough ?
Have I realised the dreams that I had when I was young and naive ? Like go travelling around the world... climb the highest mountain... swim the deepest ocean... and so on...
Hah!! Of course the above is a bit exagerated but there's still some truth in it...
Maybe not the above, but since the day I realised that I do have my own thoughts, wants and needs.. I had dreams that I want to fulfill and they are things that I want to do achieve before I go six feet underground.

But the sad part is.. Just like any other human beings, we give ourselves excuses all the time in order to make ourselves feel better...

How do I do that ?
This is how...

1) First I convince myself that I want to get married.
2) After I do that, I tell myself that I want to have a kid.
3) After I have a son, then I tell myself, I waiting for my son to grow a bit first.
4) So now that my son has grown a bit... so what now ????

Wait for him to go to school ? Then wait for him to grow up ? Wait for him to finish school ? Then wait for him to find a job ? Then wait for him to find girlfriend ? Then wait for him to get married ? Then wait for him to have kids ? Then what ???

I seriously think, if I keep on waiting like that, I will literally.. DIE waiting...

Therefore, I HEREBY declare, on the 11 of Feb, 2009 this day, I FINALLY have a serious NEW YEAR resolution (this doesn't mean the rest I made earlier wasn't serious ok!!??) It's just that this is a super duper serious one ok... VERY SIMPLE thing... not say want world peace and all that crap... but something which is very simple.. not complicated at all.. but yet... very impactful to my own life journey....

My FINALLY new year resolution is... cheng! cheng! cheng!!!!...

I SHALL FOLLOW MY HEART AND DO WHAT IT FEELS REGARDLESS TO WHO, WHAT & WHATSOEVER.

To put it in laymen's term:-
I will do what I want, when I want and what ever I want as long as I don't:-

1) Lie
2) Cheat
3) Hide anything
4) Hurt anyone (emotionally / mentally & physically) in anyway or any form.

If I do it, it's because I want to and not because I have to ~ Unless someone points a gun to my head la... or harm anyone that I love la.. hehe!
No more obligations... for whatsoever reason... No more priority... as the only priority should be ME, MYSELF & I... and of coz my son, Christian (in fine print).. heheheheeh!

I realised LIFE is too short for me to compromise anymore.

Why should I compromise ? Does it make me happy ? IF it doesn'y, why should I ? Happy also must live my life.. sad also must live my life... May as well be happy right ??

I have decided I won't compromise anymore... Because I don't want to end up regreting for anything that I should have or shouldn't have... and worst still..blame others for it.

Of course I don't expect to climb the highest mountain tomorrow la...

But I will just start by treating myself better... by loving myself more.. doing things that I want to do... and not because I have to... and don't if I don't want to... Me NO doormat wor therefore I won't let you step all over me!!!!

As simple as that...

I guess in a way.. you do become slightly wiser (or maybe not wiser but self realization) when you get older (duh!! I'm not gonna reveal my age!!)

Hopefully by starting this, right before my journey comes to an end, I can smile to myself and think (if I'm not senile yet then), I've got no regrets in this life, and I've lived my best.